A Message To All Earthlings…

Greetings

We aliens have several questions that require great attention. We have for several decades studied your daily routines and behavioral patterns so to speak…and we are most alarmed at what we found.

Firstly, what is that you call plastic? And how did you possibly devise a method to hear,see and communicate with your fellow earthlings 3118239 miles away? How is it that you are able to um..fly? How are you able to control that incredibly massive metallic beast you call…uh what is it again? Ah yes “airplanes”. How did you train such creatures?

Another thing that bothers us very much is what you consume…rather, how you consume it! Its incredible really how you possess the uncanny ability to swallow that bulky chunk of wheat in one go.

Your leisure activities alarm us. What we cannot interpret is how, when you swoosh your “hands” in the air, the hypothetical man in the device you call a “television” flicks out his racquet to smash an incoming ball from the other side of the court! (it’s called a Wii I believe.)

Why do you say “duh” or “lol” ? Are they code words of some sort? Is there something you’d rather we never found out about?

Why are you so obsessed with the internet? Is it really a net? Where is it? More importantly, why can’t we see it?

We are flabbergasted by your way of living..your style of sleeping(why would anyone want to sleep in such absurd postures?) and your way of showing revenge. Why do you kill your race? Why is there bloodshed?

We had previously begun to doubt our abilities presuming that you probably are much more advanced than we can ever be….but we were wrong. We are much better because we are not so fully consumed with hatred as you are.

We are immensely confused and rather alarmed. You are terrified of us…but maybe you should be more terrified of the humans around you.

Sincerely, the Extraterrestrial beings.